Home > Creative Writing Exercises, Wessed Up History, Writing > Wessed Up History – 6/20/2010

Wessed Up History – 6/20/2010

* June 7, 1905: Norway’s parliament dissolves union with Sweden via message that reads “You can’t a-fjord us.”
* June 8, 1933: Joan Rivers is born. Likes the snipping of the umbilical so much that she gets surgeries every day for the rest of her life.
* June 9, 1939: Dicky V’s lobbed from the womb, shouting, “Dipsy-doo dunkeroo diddle dop slam-jam-bam, pudding-pop baby!” through the net.
* June 10, 1959: Eliot Spitzer’s born late – delayed by a couple of pre-birth hookers.
* June 11, 1999: DeForrest Kelley proclaims, “He’s dead, Jim,” while waving a tricorder at himself. Then says: “I’m outta this Vulcan place.”
* June 12, 1916: An earthquake shakes the burning maternity ward as Irwin Allen rides an out-of-control jet from the womb.
* June 13, 1805: Lewis and Clark expedition discovers first Burma Shave signs along river leading to the Great Falls.
* June 14, 1938: Superman introduced in Action Comics. 1 month later: Killed. 1 more month: Lesbian. Month after that: Reborn as rich playboy.
* June 15, 1667: The first human blood transfusion is administered with a rope, catapult, and beer bong.
* June 16, 1962: Arnold Vosloo is born in mummified form, wrapped in swaddling, stuck in a sarcophagus, and left to terrify future audiences.
* June 17, 1885: Statue of Liberty arrives in New York with 2 torches, 2 tablets, and a spare tiara. Gets mugged.
* June 18, 1815: Swedish supergroup ABBA defeats Napoleon Bonaparte in Battle of the Bands with “Waterloo.”
* June 19, 1919: Movie critic Pauline Kael is born. Praises gritty realism of cinematography, but finds costumes unoriginal and uninspired.
* June 20, 1946: Bob Vila adds on a deck, fireplace, and a cupola before emerging from the womb into the maternity ward.

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