Home > Creative Writing Exercises, Wessed Up History, Writing > Wessed Up History – 5/24/2010

Wessed Up History – 5/24/2010

* May 24, 1938: A puff of pot smoke and a craving for snacks in the maternity ward precedes the arrival of Tommy Chong into the world.
* May 25, 1889: Igor Sikorsky whirlibirds out of the womb and settles onto a helipad in the middle of the maternity ward.
* May 26, 1913: “Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you…WHEEEE!” Peter Cushing slides into maternity ward, smacks laser button.
* May 27, 1895: Oscar Wilde sent to prison on charges of sodomy. Because prison’s the perfect place to avoid sodomy.
* May 28, 1908: Author Ian Fleming is shaken (not stirred) from a gun-barrel into a maternity ward, wearing a tux and sporting a Walther PPK.
* May 29, 1957: Infant Ted Levine pops out of the womb with a bottle of lotion, a basket, and a hose. Doctors wonder: Boy? Girl? Psycho?!
* May 30, 1859: Sir Norridge Winthrop-Pale’s nap – after 3 months of insomnia – interrupted by first ringing of London’s Big Ben.
* May 31, 1930: Clint Eastwood glares at Mom: “I know what you’re thinking. Just one or twins? Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”
* June 1, 1937: The authoritative voice of Morgan Freeman booms from womb as he’s born, persuading medics (and Mom) to sign up for Visa cards.
* June 2, 1948: “Look!” proclaims a maternity doctor as Jerry Mathers is born. “It’s the Beaver!” Nurses never stop slapping him.
* June 3, 1929: Game show host Chuck Barris pops from the womb to find his mom wearing a bag over her head while a nurse whacks a gong.
* June 4, 1975: Angelina Jolie is born and immediately tries to adopt herself, as well as other infants in the maternity ward.
* June 5, 1493: Justus Jonas, German Protestant reformer and little known “Fourth Jonas Brother,” is born.
* June 6, 1947: Five clawed fingers snikt on a bedpan as baby Robert Englund pulls his stripey-sweatered infant self into the world.

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