Home > Wessed Up History, Writing > Wessed Up History – 5/23/2010

Wessed Up History – 5/23/2010

More catching up to do! Man, I’ve been bad at this lately:

* May 3: Adherents of Discordianism celebrate Disco…Discoflux. Try your lux! Don’t be a clux! Disco…Discoflux.
* May 4, 1910: Royal Canadian Navy off to inauspicious start with failed launch of “pontoon moose.”
* May 5, 1921: After failed efforts with perfume that smells like steak, wet dog, frog spit, and hot feet, Coco Chanel scores with No. 5.
* May 6, 1940: John Steinbeck wins Pulitzer Prize for “The Grapes of Wrath.” Disappointed not to win top Napa Valley wine prize, though.
* May 7, 1962: USSR announces it shot down U2. Demands that Ireland take back Bono AT ONCE. “He just won’t shut up,” Kruschev complains.
* May 8, 1940: Infant Peter Benchley spends 9 mos. going “bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum” until mom fishes him out with tongs and a snorkle.
* May 9, 1874: Archaeologist Howard Carter is born and wrapped in swaddling clothes. Looks into mother’s eyes and says: “Mummy!”
* May 10, 1999: Shel Silverstein finds out what’s beyond the end of the sidewalk. We’re still waiting on the book.
* May 11, 1997: Supercomputer Deep Blue defeats chess master Garry Kasparov, who pioneers use of the term “HAXXORZ!” to protest the loss.
* May 12, 1950: Baby Bruce Boxleitner zooms around the maternity ward on a light cycle while singing “The Gambler.”
* May 13, 1880: After finding the world’s longest extension cord, Thomas Edison conducts the first test of an electric railway.
* May 14, 1971: Director/actress Sofia Coppola is born to a family she can’t refuse. Her acting ability, on the other hand, is stillborn.
* May 15, 1718: London lawyer James Puckle patents world’s first machine gun, which he calls “The Closing Argument.” (Tweet No. 7,000!)
* May 16, 1955: A white-uniformed man cradles Debra Winger as he carries her triumphantly from womb to the cheering of maternity ward nurses.
* May 17, 1955: “PREGNANCY OVER, MAN!” proclaims baby Bill Paxton as he pops from the womb to a maternity ward full of acid-drooling aliens.
* May 18, 1910: Earth passes through tail of Halley’s Comet, sparking the first zombie apocalypse and cowboy rodeo!
* May 19, 1944: With a raucous Wookiee roar, actor Peter Mayhew is born. He rips the arms off a couple of attending doctors on the way out.
* May 20, 1896: Six-ton chandelier at Palais Garnier falls on crowd. Phantom later tweets: “LOL, IT IS 2 B WARZORZ!”
* May 21, 1937: A Soviet station becomes first outpost on Arctic Ocean drift ice. It’s eventually the Russia that Sarah Palin can see.
* May 22, 1910: A nurse yells into the womb – “Johnny Olson, COME ON DOWN! You’re the next contestant on The Price is Right!”
* May 23, 1934: Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow learn the true meaning of “road rage.”

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