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Don’t jump, Alice!

Visually, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland is a feast. It’s got some neat moments here and there.

But.

But..

But…

Look, it was a mess. A jumbled tale that made a wreck of the lore – and if you didn’t even know the lore, it didn’t always make much sense. The White Queen and Red Queen are sisters, but one has chess pieces for soldiers and the other has playing cards? And the big showcase battle at the end takes place on an overgrown chessboard. And Crispin Glover is supposed to be a menacing villain? Crispin Glover? REALLY?

Also, have to say, this was really Mad Hatter in Wonderland when you get down to it. That little dance number at the end of the fight, Johnny Depp? What were you thinking?

The plot reminded me of some of the most annoying quests that I’ve ever had to run in an MMORPG, back and forth across the map over the same territory, just in the hope of building up to an interesting boss fight at the end. This fight, though, doesn’t deliver. It really needed too, however. When you’re trying to sell me on Alice and the prophecy that she must slay the Jabberwocky, you better close the deal. This Jabberwocky proved to be nothing more than a standard-issue black dragon.

Tim Burton, I beg of you: Go back to making your own stories in your own worlds.

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