Home > Wessed Up History, Writing > Wessed Up History: Week in Review – 1/11/2010

Wessed Up History: Week in Review – 1/11/2010

* Jan. 4, 1854: Explorers find McDonald Islands. Native girls introduced to original “Big Mac,” but are left unsatisfied. More bun than meat!
* Jan. 5, 1959: The Kurgan bursts from mom’s womb, Highlander sword crackling with electricity, and decapitates doctor for slapping rump.
* Jan. 6, 1838: Samuel Morse successfully tests telegraph. Upgrade from standing on roof, yelling “DOT-DOT-DOT! DASH-DASH-DASH!” at neighbors.
* Jan. 7, 1950: Actress Erin Gray is born, ensuring future for spandex. Causes men of the 1970s reason to say Bee-dee-bee-dee-bee-dee a lot.
* Jan. 8, 1835: The United States has zero debt. Gets credit cards, runs up balances, hits debtor’s prison, and speaks Chinese by 2025.
* Jan. 9, 1913: Infant G. Gordon Liddy invades womb to steal baby Richard M. Nixon for the RNC. Baby Nixon erases nanny cam footage.
* Jan. 10, 49 BC: Why did the Roman cross the Rubicon River? To seize power, make himself emperor, and become a salad.

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