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Wessed Up History: Week in Review 1/4

* Dec. 28, 1922: Masked baby pops out of womb. First word after fanny slap: “EXCELSIOR!” Stan Lee even had the mustache back then.

* Dec. 29, 1947: Actor Ted Danson is born. His current hair, on the other hand, was shaved from a test tube chinchilla last week.

* Dec. 30, 1957: Where in the world is Matt Lauer? Mom’s womb, packing to leave. Awkwardly enough, so’s Al Roker.

* Dec. 31, 1960: UK stops using farthing coin as legal tender because bankers claim “nearthings” are cooler.

* Jan. 1, 1908: Tradition begins when New Yorkers drop a wrecking ball on a Times Square cab driver. Squire Larry King narrates.

* Jan. 2, 1860: Parisian scientists announce discovery of planet Vulcan. Spend rest of year practicing finger-splaying salute techniques.

* Jan. 3, 1924: Explorer Howard Carter pops open an Egyptian sarcophagus to find Abe Vigoda stashed neatly inside.

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