- Michael: Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don’t even know what the auction’s for tonight.
- Lindsay: The wetlands.
- Michael: To do what with them?
- Lindsay: Dry them.
- Michael: Save them.
- Lindsay: From drying.
Raj: In Avatar when they have sex on Pandora they hook up their ponytails so we know their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they fly horses or fly on their birds they also use their ponytails.
Wolowitz: What’s your point?
Raj: My point is that if I was a bird or a horse I’d be very nervous around James Cameron.
Zapp Branigan: “My instinct is to hide in this barrel – like the wily fish.”
Sookie: I keep expecting him to come through the door and say “Sookeh!”
Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I’m planning to buy haven’t been invented yet.
Linda: When you do care, you care one hundred and crazy percent.
House: We’re two tigers away from being an act in Vegas.
Phil: All the hard work, late nights and no rest have paid off. We’ve cured sleeplessness and demonstrated irony.